Sign Language

There is something about sign language that makes me wish I could sign and/or read lips. I am partially deaf in both ears and its not too serious, but if it gets any worse I will have hearing aids. But I'm okay with that...because then I could talk my mom into letting me learn sign language. Last year, I went through an obsession with sign language (before I knew about my hearing impairment) and tried to teach myself how to sign. it didn't really work out too well, but I never forgot how much I loved learning and how good it made me feel.
After read The Five Flavors of Dumb by Anthony John, I became re-obsessed with sign language. I just checked out a ton of books from the library about sign language so I could teach myself how to sign. I am also asking my mom to sign me up to learn how to sign for my birthday.
There is just something about using your hands to talk that makes me feel happy. Its such a hard thing to explain, but it just feels right. It feels so much better than talking. Using your hands to talk just seems so much more personal, to me anyway. You can change your voice so it shows no emotion, but with your hands you can always tell when someone is mad, or happy, or nervous. Its called body langauge. If you are happy, your hands could be moving faster and so much lighter. If your mad all the motions are hard and straight. Or when you are nervous they might shake.
I guess you could call it ironic that the girl who is obsessed with sign language finds out that she is hearing impaired. And while its hard to ask someone to repeat themself 5 times before you kind of understand what they are saying, I'm okay with it. It would be so much better than being blind. If I were blind, it would be like missing the whole world. Like never being able to see the beauty that can be found. Sound is just noise and while it can be pretty, its nothing compared to sight. And if you describe a scene with just the right words, you can hear music or sound within the words.

So Much to Do , So Much to See

There are so many places in the world, so many things to do, to see, to experience. And we only have one life. So what do we do with it? Do we spend it in school? Do we spend it making a "living"? Do we spend it going from home to work to home daily just truding along? Or do we spend it being happy, grateful, and opening? We can't experience everything in the world. But we can experience the world that is in everything. Just look right outside your window and look across. What do you see? It may be dark and gloomy, but you have to make something out of it. You have to imagine things, something to make everything better. So many people are depressed, and the best medicine is imagination. Because you can imagine a happier world. Just look towards tomorrow. Because eventually, nothing can get worse. Because there is a low, and once you hit it, you have to go back up. There is a huge world, right in the middle of our little world. But we have to be the change in OUR little world to make the huge world different and happy.

Lonely

Have you ever felt like your all alone? Like there is no one in the world who even gives a crap? Like maybe it would be easier to just give up? To cry in your room and drown in your sorrows? Well I feel like that. I'm losing it, I'm losing everything. I messed up and there is so reversing what has been done. I'm hated and alone. But its what I do with that lonliness and sadness that will count in the end. I just have to take it one day at a time.